life and such

There is a remarkable sense of anticipation when checking email. In that moment where messages are loading and your inbox has so much potential. Of course, often times it lets you down.

I have been living in Madison for three weeks now. Interestingly, I think that might rival the longest amount of time I have ever spent away from Eau Claire. I've had a range of emotions about the move, but overall things are going well. I've also been blessed with many visitors during these first transitional weeks, which has been nice. Kristi is also very good about including me in things, which I greatly appreciate.

I have very mixed feelings about my job, and have decided to look at is a year long commitment. I do better with deadlines, structure and boundaries, and have decided this is a good way to look at things. If in a year I haven't burned out illiterate homeless parents, parents who do nothing but yell at their kids, and breaking the news to parents that their child really isn't going to be ok maybe I'll stick with it. Perhaps I'll end up loving it, and feel a sense of fulfillment that I'm making a difference and stick with it. Until then I'm looking at this as my year of service with a disorganized non-profit, at the end of which I can escape to a school district with great benefits and summers off, where I see kids' parents twice a year at conferences.

Sometimes when I'm feeling overwhelmed, I just remind myself that I've never met anyone who doesn't talk (people with more severe disabilities/needs discluded) so eventually all these kids, who I'm not totally sure what I'm supposed to be doing with are going to figure it out. We'll also see how Madison is treating me in a year, and if I feel like I can make it a more permanent home. It's a tricky age where everyone around me is getting married and buying houses, and in so many ways I wish I were in that place in my life, but can also accept that I am not and perhaps I'll try to find a way to appreciate the freedom that affords me. Really, I can't buy a house by myself, I still needed Jen to open jars for me.