things that didn't happen
The other day I thought I saw someone in a crowd of people, and I literally felt my heart leap. Then it turned out it wasn't who I thought it was, and no matter what happened the rest of that night, I knew it wouldn't really compare with that brief feeling of joy. This particular case I'll call joy, but I've had the same experience with fear and anxiety as well.
This got me thinking about how, in some ways, many of the most significant moments in our lives are things that didn't happen. People you didn't see, phone calls that never came, the person who didn't love you back, the person you didn't love back, not getting into the school you wanted, not getting the job, the car accident that almost happened but didn't. The chance you were too afraid to take.
posted by tara @ 3:07 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
I think that the majority of your specific items in your argument can really go either way. An example being the school one. I think my getting into Carnegie Mellon has had a much larger impact on my life than my not getting into MIT. The people who call me influence my life long term much more than the people who don't. And if I had ever been in a horrible car accident, I'm pretty sure that would be on my mind longer than the one that I narrowly avoided. It's all perspective, yo.
yeah, i definitely see your point and once i started writing realized i didn't have that many examples to back up mine. The car accident was meant to be a joke, based on my going in the ditch post, and I was thinking about someone I know who didn't get into school at all, but I guess they will end up doing something else so that is still relative. I guess mainly I just thought of things I was afraid to do that I now pretend would have made my life somehow different or better, when likely that isn't true either, but was just the mood I was in. . . and being frustrated about waiting to hear back about jobs. But no, in actuality no where near the most significant moments when I'm looking back more honestly.
you know, i had a similar experience at a party a few weeks ago. i thought i saw myself across the room. turns out, it was just my reflection in the mirror. at that moment i realized that since i am myself, i'll never get a chance to meet myself, and tell myself i how much i really love me. my only hope is that i can build a time machine, and go back to meet myself in the past.
i tend to also shy away from measuring my life by things that didn't happen, for fear of constantly muttering things like, "if coach put me in, i know we woulda won state. no doubt in my mind." ah, the always slippery slope of "learn from the past, but don't live in it."
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